The Edge

When the shackled words were finally free,
They sounded so much like tragedy,
For something beautiful had wilted and died,

Silence descended like the night,
Heavy and distinct,
Like a fortress built of things unsaid,

I never felt the drop,
As the ground beneath me surrendered,
Descending into the bottomless moat,
Nothing to collide with and break the fall,

Those words have etched their memory,
Like sleep wrinkles across my porcelain skin,
A memento,
Of what might have been,

You were the edge I slipped over,
The edge of reason,
The edge of hope,
The fortress that protects me no more.

Safe

I remember the promises we made,
said we'd love and together we'd stay,
no matter how we resurrect each other,
the cracks will never go away,

Its not like I don't miss you,
or the love just faded away,
it's just more painful to stay together,
than it is to stay away,

Those tears glistening down your face,
breaking my defence, alluring me to sway,
I've been a slave to your charm,
please don't look at me that way,

Let the silence in harmony play,
savor this moment for as long as we may,
I'll keep you safe inside me till the end of time,
no matter what happens after today.

(Image courtesy - So Take My Hand)

Alone with you

I look back down the years and wonder, how did we reach where we are today? I know things have never been simple for us, I know there have always been variables that have been beyond our control and circumstances that have mostly gone against us. I can even go to the length of saying that whatever could have gone wrong for us...has! But even in moments of utter chaos...even when everything around us was falling apart...when even hope seemed to be an impossible possibility...even then...the world that existed between you and me was one of unspoken devotion, unbridled love, a calm warm place that existed when we were together in any form. A safe place where we could escape to and find the will and resolve to keep going. I thought that would never change, no matter what happened and how far away we drifted. I always lived with the divine belief that no one could take away the one place in the world that truly belonged to me. Maybe my belief was a state of being in a prolonged drunken stupor. Now when this delusion has faded, I find myself distraught and alone in a way I have never felt before.

I know I cannot complain, and I cannot blame anyone for what I am experiencing, not even you. I know we all change with time, we all experience things that leave permanent scars on our life. My pain, anguish and struggle is mediocre when compared to what you have gone through. I still hold myself responsible for not being there, for not being able to share your burden or even to hold your hand. I can blame fate by saying that it was all part of the Lord's written word and I could have done nothing to prevent what happened, but the truth is that I had a choice, to stay or leave, I took the latter. I think that was the first moment in my life when I actually thought of us at two separate people, two distinct individuals, two disparate souls with their own destinies. Before that moment I never believed we would ever be apart. I never let the thought even crawl into my head. Now the realization that this alternate reality could even exist left me cold, callous and disillusioned. I don't think I have ever completely recovered. I know people can argue that I didn't really have a choice and you had taken your stand and I did the right  thing by setting you free. Maybe I did what was best for the both of us. I guess I took the best choice, but the best choice is not always the right one!

I may never be able to completely empathize with what you went through and how much it changed you. At one level, I think it's because I have never experienced the trauma and agony that comes from what you have lost, and on another level, because I no longer figure as a confidante, someone who you can turn to, someone who you believe will always catch you when you fall. No matter how much you say that is untrue, what my heart feels when I close my eyes, no amount of words or pretentiousness can ever prove wrong. I know you may not believe me, but I do understand. If you have lived in a prison, then I have been in the darkest most murkiest corners of it with you. I have taken every step and caught every tear that has trickled down you face. I may never be able to completely express to you what it feels like to see someone you love in pain, and not be able to help, to touch, to share...to abandon them almost...because life gives you no other choice.

I don't know how much of what you have gone through has changed you, and what bruises you carry with you. I will never know if you never let me in. Yet, I can see the change, I can feel the change. I remember a time when being in your embrace was the most intense, most exalted, most overwhelming feeling I had ever experienced. It became an addiction and I have never experienced such a moment of raw, unrestrained emotion with another living being. It was forbidden, maybe even sinful. Now as I lie next to you, I can see the body, I can touch the flesh, but I cannot feel the heart. I cannot find the soul. Maybe the girl I loved has been left behind somewhere. I just want you to know, that if you put your trust in me one last time, I will go back into the darkness, I will find her again and I will bring her back...I will bring you back! Because as far as I know, if you don't exist, neither do I and nothing else in the world matters. I don't want to live like this, even when you are by my side, I don't want to be alone...even when I am with you!

Retribution Song

I stand with my back against the setting sun,
there's still a bullet left in my vengeful gun,
wish I halted this carnage before it begun,
now I'm buying time to fix what can't be undone,

A bruise for each mile I've run,
a scar for each torment overcome,
a blister for each right I made wrong,
a curse for each heart I burnt,

Some of you I hurt, some of you I disowned,
I confess my intention was never to harm,
my devout apology to the people I have wronged,
I only gave to the world what I got in return,

An existense with no one to count upon,
the burden of my choices I shall carry alone,
my search for a smile, was met with scorn,
when I pleaded for love, I got hope forlorn,

Happiness and Pain, diverse feelings for some,
to me they both seem as one,
the latter so hard to forget, the previous so hard to treasure,
complaining is not my style, so don't get me wrong,
these words just add rhythm to my retribution song,

So I stand with my back against the setting sun,
the story returns to where it begun,
a bullet with my name in that vengeful gun,
the lord speaketh, your time has come,
embrace the suffering in this life my son,
it'll soothe your journey to the world beyond.