The sparrows chirp in their nest,
the wind whistles by,
my thoughts go back to the last time,
I had you by my side,
oh! you looked so lovely,
oh! you looked so fine,
I wanted to say so much,
I had so little time,
my fate it is so wicked,
its almost like a crime,
I meant to say I Love You,
it made me say Good Bye!
Now as I count the miles,
that stretch between you and me,
I know you're always in my heart,
it's where you'll always be,
I thought I'd never love again,
until you came on by,
I tried so hard not to let you in,
but I failed in every try,
I hope my search is at an end,
hope there is nothing left to find,
except the path to your heart,
and a ticket to the end of time!
8 comments:
Very very clear and direct, leaves no doubt in anyone's mind about the sincerity of your emotions and intentions...however, one has come to expect more flowery language, symbolism, similes, metaphors, and other forms of beauty from poetry in general, and something that can be more classical in approach...I think you need to add more to it, if you want it to be admired as poetry. If you want to declare your love, then it's ideal, it speaks directly to the heart! Depends on your aim for this love poem...I, of course adore it completely! :-)
cute! i disagree with the above comment that expects more flowery language. i think simplicity is key. :)
Beautiful.. I cant tell you how much I loved it. Also the picture is sooo good. Very Beautifully written Imran.
@ Priya: Point taken madame...I was actually going for a simple hum-able rhyme. But I agree there need to be more layers, I think I should start reading more :) But thank you again...I knew you would like it though!
@Mahek: Thank you so much! I agree with the simplicity argument though :)
@Zainab: Thank u for the compliment and just a technicality...but my name is Imroz :P
Oops. Sorry for the confusion
So simple yet so thoughtful.
I don't like much poems but your was a good one.
As I always say, if people can relate to your piece of writing...it means it's good...I could...:)
Simple adnd touching...
Well written...:)
Aiyoooo.... it took me to my kindergarten days. So sweet, simple, and in rhythm. very very nice. U know I loved it. Anyway I don't understand much of symbolic and metaphoric stuff. So this is great. Yuppy my puppy!!!
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