They Never Tell You

They tell you it will hurt,
The void, the churn, the silence,
The hoping and the deafening drumming of your heart,

They tell you what you will miss,
The hugging, the kissing, the whispering,
The bed that smells of quiet lovemaking and wine,
Warm bodies intertwined in the morning,
So you hide your tears till the sun turns black,
And then cry silently into your pillow,
Praying sleep will end this dastardly dream,

You miss the kiss before you start the day,
the phone calls on lazy afternoons,
surfing channels on the tele before bed,
knowing exactly where her head will rest and,
Where your hands will talk to her skin,
They never tell you, you will miss the routine,
The predictability, the careless monotony,
No! They never tell you that.
Bastards!

Source - Grist

The Edge

When the shackled words were finally free,
They sounded so much like tragedy,
For something beautiful had wilted and died,

Silence descended like the night,
Heavy and distinct,
Like a fortress built of things unsaid,

I never felt the drop,
As the ground beneath me surrendered,
Descending into the bottomless moat,
Nothing to collide with and break the fall,

Those words have etched their memory,
Like sleep wrinkles across my porcelain skin,
A memento,
Of what might have been,

You were the edge I slipped over,
The edge of reason,
The edge of hope,
The fortress that protects me no more.

Find A Way

The rules of love,
By design,
Some corrosive, some benign,
Our naked chapter in its perennial tale,
Hugs and kisses, passion and pain,
Bruises and scars, memories so frail,
Spilled meticulously across its pages,
In crimson ink,
Bleeding from my skin, my veins,
There is no regret, there is no blame,
Our memories, I will forever claim,
The lights of the world will shine through our souls,
Time will resurrect by some measure,
And our hearts eventually will find a way.

Picture courtesy - Forever Young Adult 

Run Away

Silence like dew drops on her lips,
her head resting gently on my hips,
eyes like mirrors to a forgotten land,
her breath like the rain and sullen sand,

besotted by her clumsy charm,
a smile that could do no harm,
yet the dagger firmly did she plant,
like a poet carving out my heart,

as if some ancient scent, she fades away,
a fragrance lost to the vagaries of the day,
but as darkness descends from sky to sea,
like a forgotten promise she haunts me,

as my hair ripens to a gravelly white,
questions like candles this world will light,
like a totem around my neck she'll stay,
and all I'll ever do, is run away.

(Image courtesy - z00m483/DeviantArt)

Tiny Catastrophe

They talk of dark alleys and exotic cuisines,
of sliced wrists and smut magazines,
of bastard children and mothers demeaned,
of love stories and androgenies,

They listen from behind their blinded eyes,
some mysterious whispers, some beautiful lies,
rising against the setting sun,
young lovers and their tragic goodbyes,

They fondle with their plastic skin,
a love expressed, both curse and shrine,
and spit their renditions upon my face,
scars with no name or crime,

The sun rises, they run and disguise,
put on their shirts, jackets and ties,
unshackle my chains and mend my cries,
clean their faces, put on their smiles,

But they speak not that, what my heart decrees,
nor hear what my pungent soul pleads,
this magnanimous world it seems, is just too big,
I'm but its tiny catastrophe.

(Image courtesy - Granny Annie)

Strangers Like That

The evening has started to fade,
my bed is still a mess unmade,
I hold your picture against my heart,
we are still strangers like that,

Every glimmer of beauty reminds me of you,
maybe I'm crazy, maybe it's deja-vu,
you're still my muse, I won't deny that,
we are still strangers like that,

They say love fades and goes away,
but I love you more than I did yesterday,
my feelings won't sway, but it's just that,
we are still strangers like that,

I should have found a way to let you go,
but the more I tried, the more it would grow,
so I embraced my fate, make what you would of that,
we are still strangers like that,

Every woman I have loved has been your reflection,
I'm pathetic, obsessed, lost in transition,
why do you still wear your hair like that?,
we are still strangers like that,

We're strangers and maybe we will always be,
just a mid-summer dream, a love song, a distant memory,
still you shed a tear or two, when this symphony plays like that,
and yet we remain, strangers like that.

Image courtesy: Marc and Angel

Sense

It floats to me like a cloud of light,
in waves of amber, blue and white,

taps on my shoulder and pecks my brow,
a longing embrace, an endearing glow,

softly kisses me on cold moonlit nights,
wakes me up to music and candle lights,

visions and dreams it shows to me,
carries tremors from my heart to thee,

reminds me my mind is to blame,
and my heart is the only part of me that's sane,

paints ribbons of orangy red against the sunset sky,
says it may be impossible to win, but insists I still try,

says I'm a million miles away,
but assures me I will find a way,

blatantly leads me to your door,
like an unfinished tale from an ancient folklore,

I plead for its identity, says only time will break this suspense,
and now that I've found you, somehow it all makes sense.

Love and Time

The sparrows chirp in their nest,
the wind whistles by,
my thoughts go back to the last time,
I had you by my side,

oh! you looked so lovely,
oh! you looked so fine,
I wanted to say so much,
I had so little time,

my fate it is so wicked,
its almost like a crime,
I meant to say I Love You,
it made me say Good Bye!

Now as I count the miles,
that stretch between you and me,
I know you're always in my heart,
it's where you'll always be,

I thought I'd never love again,
until you came on by,
I tried so hard not to let you in,
but I failed in every try,

I hope my search is at an end,
hope there is nothing left to find,
except the path to your heart,
and a ticket to the end of time!

That first time!

[This is my entry for the blog adda contest - My first crush in partnership with Pringoo]

When we think of love, we more often than not go back to the first time we discovered we could blow the circuits in our mind sky high. That first stolen glance, the first time we heard our own heart beat echoing from our ears to the tips of our fingers, when all the heart desired was to listen to her voice, watch her talk and loose ourselves in her beauty and charm. No matter how many relationships you have or how many times you fall in love after that, it’s never the same, probably never as intense and never as innocent.

Like everyone else who has fallen in love, I did too! It was the most indescribable, most enchanting, most indelible experience of my life. I believe that everyone should fall in love at least once in their life. It brings out a side of you that you never thought existed, it makes you want to do silly things which under normal circumstances would be downright (especially for guys) embarrassing. At that moment, it doesn’t matter what the world thinks, or your friends or peers think. All you can see are her beautiful eyes and how you want to drown forever in the vast ocean of unfathomable emotions you feel for her. You become vulnerable, considerate, thoughtful and polite. You begin to worry about how you look, what you wear, you change ten t-shirts before you decide the first one you tried was right, you make sure not a hair on your head is out of sorts, you pay attention to hygiene and ensure that you smell at the least pleasant, if not divine. And considering how much trouble you go to, and how much work it sounds like, you are still happy, you’re always smiling, always humming a song, sleeping well and if not, lost in the fantasy world that you are weaving in your head. No matter how you were before or are going to be after, at that moment, you are the best person that you can possibly be. For that reason alone, I think falling in love is worth the trouble and even the heartbreak, that barring a fortunate few, inevitably follows.

So yours truly fell in love too, like any hormone pumped teenage kid, trying to make sense of himself and the world around him. That unforgettable moment when the cupid finally struck after 18 years of endlessly hoping, waiting, anticipating, giving up and hoping again is still so vivid, so real in my head, I can almost taste it. It was the first day of my second year in college. Like any senior I was looking forward to the new blood that was going to be infused into our college lives. I wasn’t hoping for too much, actually I wasn’t hoping for anything at all. That was probably the giving up phase, when you feel if something has to happen it will, and if it doesn’t, well…screw it! Now many people would argue that there is nothing like love at first sight. But hey…the first time I saw her, standing with her friends near the college canteen, I felt like I was possessed by a feeling so raw, so powerful, it had disabled my senses momentarily. I didn’t show the tension and conflict inside me, but I could barely raise my hand and say hi. I still remember the way she looked at me, the way she tilted her head slightly towards her right, and smiled. Maybe trying to figure me out, without the living knowledge that every part of me was involuntarily falling apart, piece by piece. It was like a dream I had never dreamed, it was the first time I felt unabandoned happiness and immeasurable pain, both at the same time, and it felt so absolutely wonderful and fulfilling, like I was overflowing with joy and I didn't know how to contain it. I know it sounds exaggerated...I mean cmon! who feels that way? But I did! that's how I honestly felt and I wanted to feel that way forever, for as long as I was alive and in that instant of helplessness, I knew this was the girl I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Pretty dramatic stuff for a 19 year old, but hey...we've all been there, when you're that young and full of life and brimming with energy, you think you can conquer the world and there is nothing in this world that can stop you.

Now what happened after is a matter of history and I hate to disappoint you, but I didn’t end up spending the rest of my life as I know it, with her. However, I did make a lot of unforgettable memories, moments etched in my mind for eternity, went through a lot of ups and downs, learnt so many things about life, about myself. Nothing after has come remotely close. Maybe it's the novelty of the experience or the rawness of your heart or just some hormones going crazy, but it remains with you forever. That's why the first time is always just that.

So life plays a few jokes on you, heck all you can do is smile and play a few jokes back. At the end of the day, I console myself with the fact that the most memorable love stories in the world seldom have happy endings. I don’t know if my love story was memorable or worthy of mention, but I think it was, and I like to think that where ever she is, maybe she does too.

The important thing to remember if your first love didn't make it to the end of the bridge, is not to forget to move on and let go. Don't let it haunt you, coz it can. Don't let it be a curse, let it be an antidote. There is a reason why the first one didn't make it to your present, maybe they were meant for someone else and so were you. Go and find that someone, or let yourself be found, and give that person a chance, they might just surprise you! :)

Smells like Love

Days, months and years seem to have gone by. But I'm still stuck in that one moment. Like some part of me is frozen in time. Refusing to let go, of that moment. Still trying to hold on to the memory, to the sentiments, to the association and companionship, even if it is hanging by a single string. It keeps reminding me that there was a point of time that I loved someone and someone loved me. That there was a level of intimacy that blossomed, which I may probably never share with anyone else. That familiarity is what I savour and commemorate. Familiarity is such a comforting feeling. Ask a traveler how he feels when he sees a familiar face or returns to a familiar place. Like the emotions going through a mother who finds her long lost child. Looking at you again made me feel that way.

I first tried to believe if I was actually seeing you or was it a figment of my imagination, maybe even a mirage. Maybe my mind had been so deeply affected that it had developed the ability to bring you to life. I reached out to touch you, hesitantly moving my fingers towards your cheek, you felt real enough, your skin felt just like it used to, my fingers recognized it's perfume. But maybe it might still be a dream, so I closed my eyes and let my fingers slip down to your shoulders, when I opened them you were still there. Ohhh...God!! you were actually here, I had been right. A few tears escaped and slipped down my cheek. I smiled to myself and then looked towards the heavens. The Good Lord had shown me mercy. I didn't ask you why or how, questions were not important, the only thing that mattered was that you were here, in front of me, you had returned. This was the moment I had been stuck in all this while. I remember that day now, so ironical, the same situation, the same characters, the same feelings, but the outcome completely contrary to the present.

As I said, familiarity is such a soothing, tranquilising feeling. You were the same, the same as I had left you, your eyes shimmering like black pearls in the moonlight, you felt the same to the touch and to the senses. I held you close, there was no need to worry anymore. You were safe, you were with me, you were finally home. I had missed you so much. Nothing else in my life fascinated me as much as you, nothing else completed me like you did. This lifetime was too short for me to love you as much as I wanted to, I guess I will need a few more eternities. It's the kind of love they write about in fairy tales and books of fiction. The way we all want it to be, the way we all dream it to be, the way it should be...raw, unadulterated and magical.

Love is so much in our reign and yet so out of our control...you can choose to love...but who...only your Heart decides that...so Love...as much as u can...even in the end if it destroys you...coz it's better to crash and burn than never to fly at all...spread ur wings...Love...love Selflessly...give ur Heart & Soul...in the end if ur left empty handed...you know u gave everything...didn't hold anything back...true feelings cannot be manipulated...they will always stand the test of time...the sweet pain that comes from the inability to control ur pulsating heart...no feeling more fulfilling in this world...that's the only way to love...that's the only love I recognise...the only form in which I understand love...the only way I know how to love.

My soul was smiling for the first time since my emotional exile, I wanted to laugh out loud, scream out, cry and sing with the chorus of the wind, all at the same time. Life does come full circle sometimes, I don't know if this is destiny or if this is meant to last forever, but there is no other way I want life to be. I want to live life one breath at a time now, I never know, my next might be my last. I collect my thoughts, take your hand in mine, kiss you softly, I am a part of you once more...I smell of you again...I smell of love!