"Reasons"

As my life flashes before my eyes
I construe the memories, the truths and the lies
I feel exalted at times and in others demeaned
The pain lasted longer than it seemed
My journey from innocence to subversion
A loyal soldier coerced to treason
Everything seems chosen, from hour to season
But I'm still searching for the reason

I see myself from cradle to grave
A rotting soul no one would save
Labouring to speak when I had been mute
Muffling the words as I overfill the flute
Reliving those moments I had dreaded so much
Trying to grab those that mattered as such

The hands I reached for, that were never there
The ones that caught those innocent tears
The friends who vowed to stay together
The ones I promised and failed to remember
The girls who loved me, I never did see
The one I loved, didnt see me

The rain pours down as the skies cry
I close my eyes, my futile effort to keep dry
The world twisting and turning in pain
I slam the windows, my selfish crusade to keep sane
I question in moments of deep introspection
Can I change this world with sheer determination?
Like most things in life, the answer deceives
Am I part of the cure or part of the disease

A blade of grass breaks the barren soil
The wounded ant finds the strength to toil
An abandoned baby finds his mother in a queen
A messiah spilts the Iteru in between
The masses go wild and I stand tall
The day they break that wretched communist wall
Everything seems chosen, from hour to season
But I'm still searching for the reason

All this fear and all this pain
So much to loose and so little to gain
A web of hatred has trapped mankind
The skies cry blood, the earth embraces the dying
The mocking crowd takes a redskin to task
Condemns the man with the Holy Mask

When will this haze of deceit pass us by?
When can I see the clear blue sky
So many questions oscillating in my head
Cant sense if I am living or dead
How far do I walk before my feet surrender?
How long must I swim before I too go under?
How many days before I can eat?
How many nights before I can finally sleep?
How many wars before there is peace?
How many locks that have no keys?

Walk till your soul finds salvation
Swim till you achieve emancipation
Eat when your neighbour has had his fill
Sleep when you break life's monotonous drill
Wage the war on greed to find peace
Then all the locks will open with ease
Everything seems chosen, from hour to season
I think Hope is the only reason

Ray Of Light...

There used to be a time when everyday was a struggle. My life was never really in my hands, its like using an escalator, you know where you are going but u cant really control anything else, the ground beneath my feet decided where I wanted to go and what I wanted to do. More importantly, I didnt believe in myself enough to even try and break this wearisome constancy. I was afraid of breaking away from this subdued aliveness that was Life. But somewhere and for a few moments I remember being happy...always wished it would last longer...but it never did...the harder i tried to hold it tight...the more easily it slipped, like sand, between my fingers...I wish I would be born again...as someone else...something else...I sound like an escapologist I know...but thats what happens when you find thorns rather than the roses...when will this overcast sky disassemble...so that I can see life once again...and escape these walls...

...and one day it happened...a ray of light broke through the benighted clouds...it touched my face...and I opened my eyes for the first time...it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen...through the tears...the sight of a watery sunrise...the one time dampness didnt bring a dingy aftertaste...it brought hope...it brought renascence...it brought greenery...it dissolved the darkness...and the sun shone down on me...warm and delicate...with all its illuminating brilliance...the walls were finally broken and never again would I let them rebuild themselves...never...life was much too beautiful...I am sure you will agree...that ray of light was my saving grace...I thank it with all my heart...I hope it can hear me...