The Pilgrim

 

"You know I’ve heard about people like me, 

But I never made the connection. 

They walk one road to set them free,

And find they’ve gone the wrong direction.

But there’s no need for turning back, 

cause all roads lead to where I stand. 

And I believe I’ll walk them all, 

No matter what I may have planned."

My feet felt like they weighed twice my body weight and Mother Earth thought it an opportune time to show me how relativity applies to gravity as much as it does to time. My feet could give way any moment. They were scathed and worn. I had lost one of my shoes crossing the frigid waters of the stream a few miles back. The water apart from being numbingly cold, was more boisterous than I had initially anticipated. Not surprising that when it decided it wanted my shoe, it took it rather rudely. I managed to keep the other one somehow and drew some pride from my small victory. It was short-lived as I threw the other shoe away a while later. The stream had eventually won, that cunning creature! It also seemed silly and somewhat annoying to walk with one shoe on. If I looked like a hobo, the least I could do was play the part.

The sun was just receding into the horizon and as I looked at the rusty sky I knew I needed to set myself down before I collapsed from exhaustion. After walking for what seemed like half a mile, I found what looked like an old shack, must have been unused for years, there were only two and a half walls still standing and no roof to speak of, like it had collapsed or burnt down. It seemed just right, I would be able to see the stars, I liked the comfort of them watching over me, the watchmen of the gods.

As I let my will loosen it's grip on my body, the languidness of my physical condition took over and I fell to the ground like a sack of potatoes, with a very literal plop sound. Only when I hit the ground and lay there for a minute or so did I realize just how tired I really was. To move a finger felt like I was moving a mountain. The submissiveness was liberating, another journey had ended and tomorrow another would begin.

As I walked from village to town to city, from green fields to concrete jungles, from wood and leaves to bricks and mortar, from sea shores to canyons, from plains and plateaus to the sands of the desert, every one I met had the same question - Where are you going traveler? I gave them all the same answer - "To this moment". They always had a bewildered look on their faces, they seemed to think I was playing a riddle or pulling their leg, humoring them or just being rude. I was just being honest.

I was not going anywhere, I was already where I needed to be, the song has already been written, I am simply playing to the tune. There is no place I need to get to, there is no place I have set my mind on reaching. I don't remember when I started walking and I don't know when I will stop. I only hunger for experience, knowledge, stories, incidents about people, their lands, their dreams, their wishes, their pain and their joys, their plans and their rituals. Each encounter has left me richer and each road I have taken has left me wiser. I don't worry about the roads I have missed. I am sure that no matter which road I had taken, it would have led me to where I stand now. I am grateful for the times I have been lucky to escape disease and I have looked death in the face and smiled back. Some call me a hermit, some call me a witch doctor, a thief, other say I am a messiah, a prophet, a deity. Some love me, and give me a place to stay and food to eat, clothes and shoes to replace my old ones. Others shun me, throw stones, and begin reciting words from scriptures as I knock on their doors. To some I am a brother and to others an outlaw. I am eternally obliged and indebted to the ones who were kind to me, and feel no angst or hatred towards the ones who were not as thoughtful. It is instinctive for people to be afraid of anything or anyone they cannot understand and whose purpose they cannot comprehend. I have made my mistakes, I have gone down the wrong roads and I have paid my price more than people will believe. My virtues have been tested and I have failed many times. I have walked with shackles around my feet and have had nails punctured through my palms, tasted my own blood and the blood of my fellow man. I have saved many a life but taken far more. My life is a blessing, and like all things that hold value, it has not come without a price. My gift is my savior but it is also my curse, one albeit I am glad to live with.

As these thoughts trailed through my mind faster than the blood rushing to my head, I broke out of my vegetative state. I could still not gather the courage to move. I had let my thoughts drift away with the evening breeze like floating seeds. Maybe they would germinate in some other minds and they too would seek out their destiny and answer their calling. Using my shoulders and elbows as support, I turned my body around so I could look at the sky. As I did, I looked in awe at the pristine view, it was exhilarating and no matter how many times I had seen it before, it still took my breath away and for a moment I was a child again looking in wonder at the heavens above. Celestial Lamps lit up in the sky and all of them looked back at me, some recording my thoughts and some planning my fate, but all of them summoned as if to my service and to aid in my comfort and pleasure. No matter where I went, they were the only constant in my existence, they were my only family.

As the night placed a warm blanket of self belief over me, I thought of where tomorrow would take me, where I would sleep, who I would meet and what I would learn. However, I had become certain of one thing, this journey would not have an end, only pauses, I was a pilgrim and as long as I kept walking, my destiny was only as distant as my next step.

(Opening stanza credited to the song - Crossroads by Don McLean)
(Image credited to Sgrazied)

Steps

I know these are just our first few steps,
but my feelings for you, I can't measure their depth,
your love sneaked into me, and my heart it leapt,
I think I dreamed you into life as I slept,

Where this road will lead me I can only suspect,
where ever it may be, I will never regret,
finding you has been my life's eternal quest,
perhaps retribution for all my tears unwept,

As I move down this winding road,
I am not afraid and I am not perturbed,
all I need is you to be by my side,
No road is too long and no mountain too high,

I can't remember the last time I felt so strong,
and as my love grows, this wait seems so long,
I try to find the perfect word, the perfect line, the perfect song,
even when the words are right, somehow the tune's all wrong,

Still these words spill out of me,
sometimes in prayer, sometimes in symphony,
and if we are damned to be forsaken in the pages of destiny,
each dream would still have been worth its penalty,

And as I take each step, I know I'm closer than before,
I've stumbled, I've fallen, I've been abandoned and forlorn,
my spirit will not relent, till you're mine once more,
but until then as always, I will walk alone.

Wonderland

Tipper Tapper the raindrops sing,
an earthly croon, an elvish hymn,

Outside my window, against the glass pane,
slipping, sliding, invisible stains,

I stretch my hand out as if to catch a tune or two,
so I can write her a song, wipe away the blue,

As the drops make silent puddles on my arid palm,
eyes shut I dream, silence the storm,

I dare not open them, for the wonder I see,
the morning sun bathed in her serenity,

She's Venus personified, I bow to her command,
as she hands me the keys to wonderland,

I open my eyes, the dream has broken free,
she's so close yet so far away from me.

(Photo attributed to Arman Zhenikeyev) 

Happy Birthday!

[I wrote this last month to mark my birthday, I hit the dreaded thirty :P but age as they say is just a number, which is just affirmative crap! Here's the truth people, we are all getting older! :O ohh..the horror! Jokes aside, hope it doesn't sounds like I'm gloating through the poem, felt it conveyed some message, so thought I would share, your comments are most welcome :)]

Another year passes by,
another year in the blink of an eye,
bring out the cake and the pie,
its time for 29 to say goodbye,

Lessons have been learned along the way,
some demons have also been put away,
I'm hoping this time I will not stray,
the sun is shining, time to make some hay,

A hope long relinquished has come to fore,
I'm down on my knees and begging once more,
this final time, my knock on your door,
heed to my call, oh celestial soul,

Pump blood into my wings so I may fly,
not like Icarus, to eventually drown and die,
not like a naive, silly, overzealous boy,
but with the poise and gallantry of a real Mccoy,

Fill my heart with passion and courage once again,
for Love has beguiled me like a dose of coccaine,
with every whiff I go more insane,
it's so different this time and yet the same,

Gratitude for the tenacity you bestowed on my immortal soul,
and the will to keep going through every minute unconsoled,
despite the pain and failure I had to endure,
there was always faith at the end of the scroll,

It was not all gloom and dark and grey,
there was lots of laughter and lots to celebrate,
small milestones were attained, I know it sounds like a cliche,
but I wouldn't change a thing, if I had my way,

I am a product of every experience I have undergone,
despite my kinks and faults, still a proud black schwan,
as my destiny is revealed, I will cease to be a pawn,
from the chaos and carnage, like a sunrise I will spawn,

So one more year to put behind me is what they say,
the crowd they bustle and the horses neigh,
the conductor waves his baton and the music plays,
Oh! daunting 30, I'm on my way.

Morning Rain

Morning rain, the sky has wept,
the birds sheltered, the leaves are wet,
my eyes sore, I've hardly slept,
the same song keeps playing from that darn cassette,

Morning light, the sky is ripe,
the birds are chirping, in hunger, in fright,
im right beside you, just out of sight,
some dreams take off, some need more fight,

Morning breeze, the sky is fading,
the birds fly away, time for grazing,
the mind is awake, my eyes are sleeping,
you're the only dream worth dreaming,

Night is here and morning's gone,
the birds in their nests, as darkness is born,
seven minutes of a moment, is where I truly belong,
the clown dries his tears, for the show must go on.

Sense

It floats to me like a cloud of light,
in waves of amber, blue and white,

taps on my shoulder and pecks my brow,
a longing embrace, an endearing glow,

softly kisses me on cold moonlit nights,
wakes me up to music and candle lights,

visions and dreams it shows to me,
carries tremors from my heart to thee,

reminds me my mind is to blame,
and my heart is the only part of me that's sane,

paints ribbons of orangy red against the sunset sky,
says it may be impossible to win, but insists I still try,

says I'm a million miles away,
but assures me I will find a way,

blatantly leads me to your door,
like an unfinished tale from an ancient folklore,

I plead for its identity, says only time will break this suspense,
and now that I've found you, somehow it all makes sense.

No Turning Back

I try to hide the fears now,
nurse them with hope,
Don't you test my will now,
my spirit's almost broke,
I was just about to drown now,
if not for your support,
why keep me alive now,
if not to hold me close,
I'm learning to breathe again now,
your life in every stroke,
There's no turning back now,
my ship has set its course.