Thursday, December 7, 2006


Sitting by my window, i look outside...see the wind blowing the autumn leaves...the leaves dancing as if they have just been they are going somewhere more beautiful...a higher place...where there is spring throughout the year...where they will be green forever. So lucky they are...they have the liberty to break free and just be...complete in their own way! As the leaves disappear with the whistling of the wind...I look for something, my eyes are searching for something, someone...maybe hope...i am not too sure. But I can just sit by that window and keep looking aimlessly outside, sometimes thinking of where I have been and where I am going?? Am I too worried...some of my friends say I think too much...well what can I say...some people get stressed out...loose their temper...scream and shout...I on the other hand...well I think!...its my way of unwinding. But maybe I should think less coz your memory can be your biggest enemy sometimes. Hmm...need to think about that...

Still sitting by this window on this cold winter morning and seeing my breath spread across the glass pane like a coat of frost...and i write my name in it...maybe to give myself an identity...maybe to just see myself and recognise who I what if its just a name.

I cant think of what to do...there is so much that i want to take out...i wanna cry...i wanna hold someone tight and vent my fears and pain. Sometimes I feel someone there...or maybe its just a feeling, a figment of my imagination or something else...but i can hold on to it...hold it tight against my breast and then for that one moment...everything seems to fade out...I can feel again...breathe again. Its like a spirit...a guardian angel and it keeps me safe. I am alone...alone in this world...alone in this city...alone in my womb...alone in this consciousness that we call life. Not alone just because I want to be...but because thats how my life has been I too self feels good...i feel important...someday I will abolish these superficial chains and break free. I wont be less lonely but I will be more content and a lot happier...happiness...seems like such an unachievable situation...unattainable...why..??? I dont know that answer...maybe i will know in time...till then I am at ease in my solitude..


ms. pinedo said...

Wow that was such a joy to read. You are an awesome writer! I love how raw and real what you write feels. I am looking forward to your future posts!!

Bodhisattva said...

you have been a friend..infact more than a friend. you are the closest thing to a brother and you are nothing but proud when that person pens bown something which feels like the kiss of the misty morning air against your cheeks.
as for the feelings that are communicated through usual, i am sending you the lines of one of my favourite Beatles song....hope this heals:

Here I stand head in hand
Turn my face to the wall
If she's gone I can't go on
Feelin' two-foot small

Everywhere people stare
Each and every day
I can see them laugh at me
And I hear them say

Hey you've got to hide your love away
Hey you've got to hide your love away

How can I even try
I can never win
Hearing them, seeing them
In the state I'm in

How could she say to me
Love will find a way
Gather round all you clowns
Let me hear you say

Hey you've got to hide your love away
Hey you've got to hide your love away

take this metaphorically my dear friend, and hppy writing!!!!

sneha said...

you have really proved urself to be a successful writer from the piece of work displayed here...the emotions and feelings have been expressed very well n its bcums easier for the reader to relate to things through your eyes...keep up the good work n looking forward to more of it...
So when are you publishing your book??


Bodhi and Sneha...keep visiting and I hope I will keep receiving your support and critisicm..thanks both of you!!


Ms. Pinedo, I wasnt expecting anyone to visit my blog so quickly and that also with so much praise. Thankyou very are the first visitor to my blog so your words are really very encouraging. I hope my future posts live up to your expectations..once again..a very big thankyou!!