Steps

I know these are just our first few steps,
but my feelings for you, I can't measure their depth,
your love sneaked into me, and my heart it leapt,
I think I dreamed you into life as I slept,

Where this road will lead me I can only suspect,
where ever it may be, I will never regret,
finding you has been my life's eternal quest,
perhaps retribution for all my tears unwept,

As I move down this winding road,
I am not afraid and I am not perturbed,
all I need is you to be by my side,
No road is too long and no mountain too high,

I can't remember the last time I felt so strong,
and as my love grows, this wait seems so long,
I try to find the perfect word, the perfect line, the perfect song,
even when the words are right, somehow the tune's all wrong,

Still these words spill out of me,
sometimes in prayer, sometimes in symphony,
and if we are damned to be forsaken in the pages of destiny,
each dream would still have been worth its penalty,

And as I take each step, I know I'm closer than before,
I've stumbled, I've fallen, I've been abandoned and forlorn,
my spirit will not relent, till you're mine once more,
but until then as always, I will walk alone.

Wonderland

Tipper Tapper the raindrops sing,
an earthly croon, an elvish hymn,

Outside my window, against the glass pane,
slipping, sliding, invisible stains,

I stretch my hand out as if to catch a tune or two,
so I can write her a song, wipe away the blue,

As the drops make silent puddles on my arid palm,
eyes shut I dream, silence the storm,

I dare not open them, for the wonder I see,
the morning sun bathed in her serenity,

She's Venus personified, I bow to her command,
as she hands me the keys to wonderland,

I open my eyes, the dream has broken free,
she's so close yet so far away from me.

(Photo attributed to Arman Zhenikeyev) 

Happy Birthday!

[I wrote this last month to mark my birthday, I hit the dreaded thirty :P but age as they say is just a number, which is just affirmative crap! Here's the truth people, we are all getting older! :O ohh..the horror! Jokes aside, hope it doesn't sounds like I'm gloating through the poem, felt it conveyed some message, so thought I would share, your comments are most welcome :)]

Another year passes by,
another year in the blink of an eye,
bring out the cake and the pie,
its time for 29 to say goodbye,

Lessons have been learned along the way,
some demons have also been put away,
I'm hoping this time I will not stray,
the sun is shining, time to make some hay,

A hope long relinquished has come to fore,
I'm down on my knees and begging once more,
this final time, my knock on your door,
heed to my call, oh celestial soul,

Pump blood into my wings so I may fly,
not like Icarus, to eventually drown and die,
not like a naive, silly, overzealous boy,
but with the poise and gallantry of a real Mccoy,

Fill my heart with passion and courage once again,
for Love has beguiled me like a dose of coccaine,
with every whiff I go more insane,
it's so different this time and yet the same,

Gratitude for the tenacity you bestowed on my immortal soul,
and the will to keep going through every minute unconsoled,
despite the pain and failure I had to endure,
there was always faith at the end of the scroll,

It was not all gloom and dark and grey,
there was lots of laughter and lots to celebrate,
small milestones were attained, I know it sounds like a cliche,
but I wouldn't change a thing, if I had my way,

I am a product of every experience I have undergone,
despite my kinks and faults, still a proud black schwan,
as my destiny is revealed, I will cease to be a pawn,
from the chaos and carnage, like a sunrise I will spawn,

So one more year to put behind me is what they say,
the crowd they bustle and the horses neigh,
the conductor waves his baton and the music plays,
Oh! daunting 30, I'm on my way.

Morning Rain

Morning rain, the sky has wept,
the birds sheltered, the leaves are wet,
my eyes sore, I've hardly slept,
the same song keeps playing from that darn cassette,

Morning light, the sky is ripe,
the birds are chirping, in hunger, in fright,
im right beside you, just out of sight,
some dreams take off, some need more fight,

Morning breeze, the sky is fading,
the birds fly away, time for grazing,
the mind is awake, my eyes are sleeping,
you're the only dream worth dreaming,

Night is here and morning's gone,
the birds in their nests, as darkness is born,
seven minutes of a moment, is where I truly belong,
the clown dries his tears, for the show must go on.

Sense

It floats to me like a cloud of light,
in waves of amber, blue and white,

taps on my shoulder and pecks my brow,
a longing embrace, an endearing glow,

softly kisses me on cold moonlit nights,
wakes me up to music and candle lights,

visions and dreams it shows to me,
carries tremors from my heart to thee,

reminds me my mind is to blame,
and my heart is the only part of me that's sane,

paints ribbons of orangy red against the sunset sky,
says it may be impossible to win, but insists I still try,

says I'm a million miles away,
but assures me I will find a way,

blatantly leads me to your door,
like an unfinished tale from an ancient folklore,

I plead for its identity, says only time will break this suspense,
and now that I've found you, somehow it all makes sense.

No Turning Back

I try to hide the fears now,
nurse them with hope,
Don't you test my will now,
my spirit's almost broke,
I was just about to drown now,
if not for your support,
why keep me alive now,
if not to hold me close,
I'm learning to breathe again now,
your life in every stroke,
There's no turning back now,
my ship has set its course.

My Experiments with Truth - My Limbic System!

I have been trying to post something new for the past few weeks and sadly none of my efforts have been worth posting. OK, I’ll be honest; I haven’t been making any effort at all! The thing is, writing for me is so much about the moment; and about the fluidity of my thoughts in that moment. Sometimes I can sit for months and nothing happens, my mind is devoid of ideas and everything I write seems to be forced. I know what you’re thinking, it’s called WRITERS BLOCK! It’s not the first time I’ve faced it, I go through exhaustive periods when I not only am starved for ideas or inspiration, but I completely lose the will or motivation to write. It feels like a chore, something I am imposing on myself and as far as I know myself, the moment that factors in, I just turn off and it takes me a long time to get myself active again.

Another thing I have noted in my writings over the years, most of them have been written when I’m on one or the other extreme of the emotion scale. Leaving a very few posts, most of my posts have been deep, intense, introspective and indulgent. I have hardly ever written when I am emotionally stable. I don’t find writing light, frothy posts easy. They just don’t come out the way they should. Whenever I try, I get frustrated and just give up. I think that is my most basic and fatal drawback as a writer. I have sub-consciously or semi-consciously stereo-typed my writing because on that stage, I find the words so forthcoming and sublime. On the other hand, when I have written something simple and frivolous, it has come out so bad, so atrocious and sub-standard that I have questioned if I can write in the first place!

I know, maybe I am over reacting and all writers go through this at some point in their lives. However, for me the journey is tougher because I am kind of a snob…ok…ok…a lazy procrastinating snob! Some things I believe as just below me and some things are not worth writing about (which is false, coz anything and everything is worth writing about, all that’s needed is a discerning eye). To add insult to injury, since I have lost my adolescent thirst for reading, I am very, very short on ideas and topics to write about, having to write about something that needs to be researched and analyzed, I just quit then and there. I don’t even pursue it, the few times that I have forced myself to; the results have been rather encouraging. One more thing, sharing my views on most things is not my modus operandi, I am usually the person who sits in the corner and listens intently. I don’t really have strong opinions, and I don’t like to force feed my philosophy to anyone, both traits in hindsight, I might have benefited from, maybe to a certain extent.

So you must be wondering, all of my thousands of followers…yes all 14 of you! :P Why this monologue? Why am I projectile vomiting my inhibitions and insecurities as a writer for all of you to read and maybe some of you to ridicule? Well it’s sort of my way to start a personal crusade to become a better writer. To write about things that I find interesting, but also to take interest in things that fall outside my palate, to break the shackles of my own mind, and to push myself, to shed my skin, to wake myself up and snap out of this complacent, self centered egotistical bubble that I am living in. It’s an honest attempt, one that I hope bears fruit. So over the course of the next few months, I will be trying my hand at writing about things and topics that I have not ventured till now, it is my honest endeavor to grow, both as a writer and a human being.

P.S. – All and any suggestions are welcome :)